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Otkako nas je safatala demokracija, sve nekako ide nizbrdo. Brak, moral, odnos prema religiji – sve je pošlo u kua. Pa i kua je pošo u kua. Hebeš ti takav spolni organ kome treba dizaličar za dizanje! Čuj, treba mu poticaj. Viagra. Treba mu ženska ruka. A ne, muška će. Pa to više ne zna ni prić. Čeka da žensko učini prvi korak.

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Istina, nisam za situaciju u kojoj ti dlakavi kreten priđe i suptilno odvali – nisam davno hebavao! Ali, bogami, nisam ni za bajku Uspavana ljepotica. U kojoj je žensko – princeza na bijelom konju. I koja ga budi potezanjem za veseljka, od milja zvanog Ditiramb, i odvlačenjem u ružičastu budućnost. Mislim, ono među nogama je nekad bilo simbol snage i čvrstine. Pače, mira u kući. I stari Latini su to znali – bonus penis, pax in domus. Ili tako nekako. U filmovima su *ebežljive tuke znale vrištati – uzmi me, uzmi me. Sad sjebani frajeri viču – ispoteži me, ispoteži me. Ko nasukani kit. Sad je simbol neodlučnosti. Ne zna bi li žensko ili muško. Bebu od 7 ili babu od 77. Danas ili sutra. Uzduž ili poprijeko. Uzme ki*u u ruke i zbunjeno prevrće s njome. Ko majka onih desetak Jugovića iz narodne pjesme. Voli - ne voli. No, najjači su kad spavaju. I hrope. Jebate, trese se travatura. Da nije vapor došo u porat? – pita se nagluha baba.

S druge strane, fakat ih razumijem. Čovječe, nije lako slušat naputke i istovremeno pokušavat stavit pravu stvar na pravo mjesto. Slinavče, ne plači, nego stavi veseljka ođe, prst tu, jezik lijevo. Mozak stavi na pašu. Naime, ne treba ti. Kad naciljaš sve te strateške ciljeve, stavi na veseljka ono gumeno, fluorescentno i rastezljivo. Da ga vidim i kad mi padne mrak na oči. Ako ti pukne, puknut ću ti veseljka na dva dijela. Pa se ti misli. U tom momentu dogodi se mlohava čuna. Padanje morala. Niente. Morto. Mrtav da mrtviji ne može biti. Sad svi plaču. Ona, on i Ditiramb. Kojemu je sad jedina svrha – pišanje. Čime postaje – tužaljko. Od milja – Elegija.

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Mislim se, ma ko je tim slinavcima kolektivno otkinuo moral? Pornići u kojima šljaker na privremenom radu u Njemačkoj glumi svjetskog jebača, a kad kamera priđe bliže, na leđima mu ucrtana tetovaža JNA, zvijezda petokraka, Kosovska Mitrovica i Druže Tito, mi ti se kunemo da sa tvoga puta ne skrenemo? I kojemu se konačno ispunio san – hebavanje bez kraja i konca. Ili sve ono hladno oružje koje je, kažu znalci, potrebno za jednu običnu fatačinu? Neeeee! Svemu su krive majke. Jer je od prvog dana sve bilo ‘pod nos’. A sad bi veseljko malo u štetu, a mati nije ništa dovukla pod nos. Pa se mora sam potrudit. Hebiga, ne može niko hebavat umjesto njega. Iako, tata bi rado... I onda otkrije da su žene manje-više iste. Naime, sve čvrsto drže stvar u svojim rukama. I samo mijenjaju brzinu.

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Maja Milošević

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Maja Milošević

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Otkako nas je safatala demokracija, sve nekako ide nizbrdo. Brak, moral, odnos prema religiji – sve je pošlo u kua. Pa i kua je pošo u kua. Hebeš ti takav spolni organ kome treba dizaličar za dizanje! Čuj, treba mu poticaj. Viagra. Treba mu ženska ruka. A ne, muška će. Pa to više ne zna ni prić. Čeka da žensko učini prvi korak.

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/Shutterstock
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Istina, nisam za situaciju u kojoj ti dlakavi kreten priđe i suptilno odvali – nisam davno hebavao! Ali, bogami, nisam ni za bajku Uspavana ljepotica. U kojoj je žensko – princeza na bijelom konju. I koja ga budi potezanjem za veseljka, od milja zvanog Ditiramb, i odvlačenjem u ružičastu budućnost. Mislim, ono među nogama je nekad bilo simbol snage i čvrstine. Pače, mira u kući. I stari Latini su to znali – bonus penis, pax in domus. Ili tako nekako. U filmovima su *ebežljive tuke znale vrištati – uzmi me, uzmi me. Sad sjebani frajeri viču – ispoteži me, ispoteži me. Ko nasukani kit. Sad je simbol neodlučnosti. Ne zna bi li žensko ili muško. Bebu od 7 ili babu od 77. Danas ili sutra. Uzduž ili poprijeko. Uzme ki*u u ruke i zbunjeno prevrće s njome. Ko majka onih desetak Jugovića iz narodne pjesme. Voli - ne voli. No, najjači su kad spavaju. I hrope. Jebate, trese se travatura. Da nije vapor došo u porat? – pita se nagluha baba.

S druge strane, fakat ih razumijem. Čovječe, nije lako slušat naputke i istovremeno pokušavat stavit pravu stvar na pravo mjesto. Slinavče, ne plači, nego stavi veseljka ođe, prst tu, jezik lijevo. Mozak stavi na pašu. Naime, ne treba ti. Kad naciljaš sve te strateške ciljeve, stavi na veseljka ono gumeno, fluorescentno i rastezljivo. Da ga vidim i kad mi padne mrak na oči. Ako ti pukne, puknut ću ti veseljka na dva dijela. Pa se ti misli. U tom momentu dogodi se mlohava čuna. Padanje morala. Niente. Morto. Mrtav da mrtviji ne može biti. Sad svi plaču. Ona, on i Ditiramb. Kojemu je sad jedina svrha – pišanje. Čime postaje – tužaljko. Od milja – Elegija.

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image
/Shutterstock
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Mislim se, ma ko je tim slinavcima kolektivno otkinuo moral? Pornići u kojima šljaker na privremenom radu u Njemačkoj glumi svjetskog jebača, a kad kamera priđe bliže, na leđima mu ucrtana tetovaža JNA, zvijezda petokraka, Kosovska Mitrovica i Druže Tito, mi ti se kunemo da sa tvoga puta ne skrenemo? I kojemu se konačno ispunio san – hebavanje bez kraja i konca. Ili sve ono hladno oružje koje je, kažu znalci, potrebno za jednu običnu fatačinu? Neeeee! Svemu su krive majke. Jer je od prvog dana sve bilo ‘pod nos’. A sad bi veseljko malo u štetu, a mati nije ništa dovukla pod nos. Pa se mora sam potrudit. Hebiga, ne može niko hebavat umjesto njega. Iako, tata bi rado... I onda otkrije da su žene manje-više iste. Naime, sve čvrsto drže stvar u svojim rukama. I samo mijenjaju brzinu.

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Tonći Plazibat/cropix /Shutterstock /Shutterstock
Tonći Plazibat/cropix

Maja Milošević

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DubrovnikMaštela

Otkako nas je safatala demokracija, sve nekako ide nizbrdo: Ono među nogama je nekad bilo simbol snage i čvrstine, a danas...

Piše Maja
3. ožujka 2024. - 21:39

Otkako nas je safatala demokracija, sve nekako ide nizbrdo. Brak, moral, odnos prema religiji – sve je pošlo u kua. Pa i kua je pošo u kua. Hebeš ti takav spolni organ kome treba dizaličar za dizanje! Čuj, treba mu poticaj. Viagra. Treba mu ženska ruka. A ne, muška će. Pa to više ne zna ni prić. Čeka da žensko učini prvi korak.

image
/Shutterstock

Istina, nisam za situaciju u kojoj ti dlakavi kreten priđe i suptilno odvali – nisam davno hebavao! Ali, bogami, nisam ni za bajku Uspavana ljepotica. U kojoj je žensko – princeza na bijelom konju. I koja ga budi potezanjem za veseljka, od milja zvanog Ditiramb, i odvlačenjem u ružičastu budućnost. Mislim, ono među nogama je nekad bilo simbol snage i čvrstine. Pače, mira u kući. I stari Latini su to znali – bonus penis, pax in domus. Ili tako nekako. U filmovima su *ebežljive tuke znale vrištati – uzmi me, uzmi me. Sad sjebani frajeri viču – ispoteži me, ispoteži me. Ko nasukani kit. Sad je simbol neodlučnosti. Ne zna bi li žensko ili muško. Bebu od 7 ili babu od 77. Danas ili sutra. Uzduž ili poprijeko. Uzme ki*u u ruke i zbunjeno prevrće s njome. Ko majka onih desetak Jugovića iz narodne pjesme. Voli - ne voli. No, najjači su kad spavaju. I hrope. Jebate, trese se travatura. Da nije vapor došo u porat? – pita se nagluha baba.

S druge strane, fakat ih razumijem. Čovječe, nije lako slušat naputke i istovremeno pokušavat stavit pravu stvar na pravo mjesto. Slinavče, ne plači, nego stavi veseljka ođe, prst tu, jezik lijevo. Mozak stavi na pašu. Naime, ne treba ti. Kad naciljaš sve te strateške ciljeve, stavi na veseljka ono gumeno, fluorescentno i rastezljivo. Da ga vidim i kad mi padne mrak na oči. Ako ti pukne, puknut ću ti veseljka na dva dijela. Pa se ti misli. U tom momentu dogodi se mlohava čuna. Padanje morala. Niente. Morto. Mrtav da mrtviji ne može biti. Sad svi plaču. Ona, on i Ditiramb. Kojemu je sad jedina svrha – pišanje. Čime postaje – tužaljko. Od milja – Elegija.

image
/Shutterstock

Mislim se, ma ko je tim slinavcima kolektivno otkinuo moral? Pornići u kojima šljaker na privremenom radu u Njemačkoj glumi svjetskog jebača, a kad kamera priđe bliže, na leđima mu ucrtana tetovaža JNA, zvijezda petokraka, Kosovska Mitrovica i Druže Tito, mi ti se kunemo da sa tvoga puta ne skrenemo? I kojemu se konačno ispunio san – hebavanje bez kraja i konca. Ili sve ono hladno oružje koje je, kažu znalci, potrebno za jednu običnu fatačinu? Neeeee! Svemu su krive majke. Jer je od prvog dana sve bilo ‘pod nos’. A sad bi veseljko malo u štetu, a mati nije ništa dovukla pod nos. Pa se mora sam potrudit. Hebiga, ne može niko hebavat umjesto njega. Iako, tata bi rado... I onda otkrije da su žene manje-više iste. Naime, sve čvrsto drže stvar u svojim rukama. I samo mijenjaju brzinu.

21. svibanj 2024 09:53